Memory - what is a memory. what is an emotion.
why do we forget and why do we remember
why do we forget at the wrong time and remember at the wrong time
what makes a sharp memory.
I keep coming back to her story every few months or years. She puzzles me. She intrigues me. As a kid, for years I kept getting confused between Zeenat Aman and Parveen Babi, to the amusement of my mother and others.
Their faces merged and I often wondered if they were one and the same. Ofcourse, after several years, I could make out the distinctions well. Point to remember is those days, back in the 80's the media was not so ubiquitous. We would once in a while glimpse the face of a dazzling celebrity in a poster on a wall or that rare occasion we went to a cinema hall or in a magazine in some person's home, who was rich and could afford such indulgent luxuries as to spend money on film magazines.
To my child's mind, seeing either of their faces, after months of break in between, lent itself to hazy recollection of what I had seen before, and I do remember that I used to be puzzled for the longest time. They had some similarities in appearance, beyond being the 'modern westernized' heroines. They both had straight long hair, often parted in the middle, had similar skin tone and build and dressed similarly as well.
They were cut to the same style more or less. But ofcourse they were totally different. As one retrospects, Zeenat Aman, was more practical, stable and had a more successful career, because it went through logical progression.
Parveen Babi, was destiny's child but had a chequered career because of her mental and emotional health issues.
For such a spectacularly beautiful, modern, successful, independent lady, she was equally fragile, broken, and damaged. The damage took over and she really could not win over it eventually.
But she fought till the end. I never knew her...but I am so proud of her. What a brave woman, and what a warrior. If one has to work out Karma, she worked a heavy load of it in this life. She built up many, harmed none and took on more than she could have handled...and she went quietly. Alone. That is what I find sad.
It is sad. She was associated to U.G. Krishnamurti via Mahesh Bhatt, but neither of these men could help her. I wonder why U.G. could not. U.G. refused to take on the onus and halo of being a God man or a miracle man, and claimed that he was ordinary. However, he was so insightful. And I keep wondering...why he couldn't help.
To step beyond the obvious pathos of this, that such a beautiful, radiant, successful woman, got unraveled by a mind she could not control, I still want to understand why? What is this paranoia.
It is also, kind of...and this may sound silly, but wondrous to me, that people in her life, who ran away from what they felt was her 'madness' coming on, had to face it in their future family life. At that time, they commented on it wisely and walked away. But Parveen, if there is the irony of Karma, never went out of their life. Her probably first intense Love, Kabir Bedi, had a son (now passed away) who suffered from Schizophrenia. He jumped to his death, leaving a note that he could not live with it anymore, because he knew he will never get well.
Mahesh Bhatt, has 4 kids and they are a candid family. His eldest daughter Pooja, who bears quite a resemblance to Parveen Babi (She was probably born around the time Mahesh was having his affair with Parveen, or a little after), has spoken about her struggles with alcoholism. His son suffers from depression and feeling neglected by his famous father. His elder daughter with Soni Razdan, Shaheen has spoken about struggling with depression.
I feel about it, that Parveen Babi....her essence, her rooh, splintered and attached to the lives of all who came in her orbit. Maybe, once we meet someone, they are always forever, a bit in us. Like dust that is not very visible, but never quite detached. Anyways, these are for all we know, mystical bullshit ravings.
https://sulochanosho.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/parveen_conf.pdf
I keep googling her. Many results come up and over the years I have read and re-read several. And I still don't find myself close to an understanding, though I have heard many accounts.
She lives on in my mind's curiosity.
BTW, Alia Bhatt also bears a resemblance to Parveen..though she is all sunshine and innocence now, and I hope she stays that way. Infact looks like Mahesh Bhatt kept getting attracted to all these women, who seem quite similar in appearance to Parveen Babi. His fist wife Kiran Bhatt, looks similar. Soni Razdan, his second wife looks similar. And he made all these successful movies with autobiographical elements. Whoever, he cast in those movies, their lives took dramatic turns for the worst after that!
For example, he made Aashiqui with Anu Agarwal! Another beauty with a strong resemblance to Parveen Babi, or that similar look. Straight hair..very modern and uninhibited. And while that became the only notable movie in her short career, a runaway hit of the year, and few years later a very derailed life, in search of spiritual answers, a devastating accident that left her physically and mentally broken...it seems touched by the same trajectory as Parveen Babi.
He made Woh Lamhe with Kangana...and she is holding up, but has been accused of being a mad witch, who is delusional and obsessive. So far Kangana is fighting so bravely, but she is getting isolated. And she is isolating herself, because that is what happens when you feel misunderstood.
...Have to get back to work..I will come back. This will be a long and ongoing, rambling post.
