Journal 12-1-2017

So this thought came to me yesterday. Or more a statement I have always felt but struggled to articulate. I did not record it and It swam away like a slippery fish.

And now it teased me by swimming back in sight and I recall the feeling and thought I wished to articulate,

but I do not remember the exact statement I thought up.

Here it is:

I don't need any scientific data, table or statistics to KNOW what I feel.

You can confuse me on what I think, but not what I feel.

Science speak, terminology, and logical conceits does not replace my experience. 

I experience what I do. I feel what I do. Your descriptions do not change the experience I felt.

Thank God I remembered and put it down. 

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I can come back and add on after this point. 
A foot note in the map of my thinking mind. :)
And that just rhymed...

wondering ..about...meditation

Is the act of observing thinking?
can thinking observe thought?
can one observe oneself? how?

By agency of a mirror?

So here is a thought  that whispered itself inside of my head.

Some times I wonder do our ears hear from the inside too? Do we have ..all of us, do we have many personalities and hence voices inside of us. We are constantly talking or listening, even on the inside.

Just 5 mins of self observation and you will know that. There are constant voices. Either they are doing a commentary or are giving impulse commands. Panic commands, excitement commands, signalling emotional cues...but there is constant telling.

I have had a glimpse of it. Where I have suddenly realized all these conversors, with multi thread conversations and I have stepped back. Realized they haven't noticed and ALMOST run away.

Except they notice, panic and call me. They pull me back. And I feel the pull right in my stomach. My gut. You just know that instant..if you get away that instant..that very instant you will die. And you know there is no coming back and you stop yourself and you even forget that moment happened. A memory lingers ...but barely.

I now have begun to enjoy and (I did not expect it) to look forward to sitting in silence and listening to voices...inner..outer...and having this feeling that somehow I will drift away and tune into a voice I like or fall through a silence door and fall into somewhere....Dunno.

Atleast I now know..there are more dimensions to perceive than  I can name, spot and label. There is more. Doors behind Doors.