3.8.2019 - I am awake but not awakened?

Apparently this is so. So says Eckhart Tolle.

I have been trying to be awakened for 3 decades. How does it happen?

But Donald Trump and other wise men advise, Never Give up!

Was reading an article by Tahira Kashyap who claims Buddhist Chanting gave her clarity.

I was not at all attracted to it, when I tried with Parul. They could not even explain the chant.

So how does it work?

I had a thought about chanting. Why do we need to repeat it. Maybe it is like that stones in the pot that the crow puts. When enough pebbles have been put in, the water rises. And the thirst quenched.

March 8 2019

They say, it is women's day. 
Whatever, that means.

I wonder why I took a large house..
to fill it up?
I am shedding the weight, but I have not figured it out.
I am filling up my house, and even my stuff with something.
something.
Something that I don't need
but I need something
....
............
.....................

What do I need? Why can't I know for sure?
Or is it just a habit of mine to tell me, I don't know.