The past few days, were hard. Heavy. Sridevi's strange and sudden death, was a emotional, psychological shock, and it affected my mind's attention so much, that the anxiety, sadness, speculation, shock, all of it created a lot of physical stress in my body. Along with the regular monthly stress that visits all of us, I started feeling strange pains in my heart.
Day before yesterday I just started feeling a nameless dread. My heart beat became faster and started racing. I would keep checking my heart rate and it was reading between 87 and 112. Not the the usual 73. I kept slipping into a thought zone of "what is the purpose of life? why is life so unpredictable? why do we strive so hard , hope and plan and why does Life, God, Destiny interrupt. If life is not in our control, why do we keep hoping and planning, only to get knocked down?"
Every person, who has lived past the age of 7, I guess has asked these questions and it would be a fact to say, that most of us never find an answer. However, in between the two dots..Birth and death, we all live. And while few live in comfort, and most in desolate horror, we all experience some feelings through those situations and events. Feelings of Joy, happiness, love, being cherished, feeling misunderstood, feeling neglected, hurt, angry, in pain etc. etc. etc.
And while some people have bigger share of what we can all agree is misfortune, everyone suffers.
These are three undeniable facts of life. All who are born and Live, will suffer, will feel hunger and will die. These are undeniable fundamentals.
Rest all is uncertain, especially when we weave hope and want to be certain of it. We hope in the framework of time, but that itself is not a given to us.
Anyways, since yesterday have been feeling better. Today, basically I feel light, as if sunshine is emanating from inside of me. I love the fact that I can do gardening around my house, and take care of my lovely house. A set of activities that is so harmonizing and calming and often very reviving. So grateful for the inner sunshine.
Read a few interesting articles on Vipassana, which I have been thinking about. Will return to that topic a bit later.
Day before yesterday I just started feeling a nameless dread. My heart beat became faster and started racing. I would keep checking my heart rate and it was reading between 87 and 112. Not the the usual 73. I kept slipping into a thought zone of "what is the purpose of life? why is life so unpredictable? why do we strive so hard , hope and plan and why does Life, God, Destiny interrupt. If life is not in our control, why do we keep hoping and planning, only to get knocked down?"
Every person, who has lived past the age of 7, I guess has asked these questions and it would be a fact to say, that most of us never find an answer. However, in between the two dots..Birth and death, we all live. And while few live in comfort, and most in desolate horror, we all experience some feelings through those situations and events. Feelings of Joy, happiness, love, being cherished, feeling misunderstood, feeling neglected, hurt, angry, in pain etc. etc. etc.
And while some people have bigger share of what we can all agree is misfortune, everyone suffers.
These are three undeniable facts of life. All who are born and Live, will suffer, will feel hunger and will die. These are undeniable fundamentals.
Rest all is uncertain, especially when we weave hope and want to be certain of it. We hope in the framework of time, but that itself is not a given to us.
Anyways, since yesterday have been feeling better. Today, basically I feel light, as if sunshine is emanating from inside of me. I love the fact that I can do gardening around my house, and take care of my lovely house. A set of activities that is so harmonizing and calming and often very reviving. So grateful for the inner sunshine.
Read a few interesting articles on Vipassana, which I have been thinking about. Will return to that topic a bit later.
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