Another Monday. No complaints. Glad to be alive. Especially after what happened ....with S dying in NYC.
A shock to the mind and the system. No comparison with the grief that her own family suffered but it shocked all of her friends. I loved her, her spirit, her personality. She had her demons..we all do. But still when we met, what more often came through was this fun, charming, super intelligent personality.
A deep girl, with many layers. Ambitious, full of plans and desires, and a planner. And such an amazing Joie di vivre. She loved food, it was also the beast she fought the most. She was like many of us, an emotional eater.
She was a charming, engaging conversationalist.
Food she used to quell those feelings. And food she used to quell food feelings and the hunger it fueled that could never be satisfied. Like any drug that we use to feel good, it becomes a monster and demands we be it's slave.
And yet..inspite of what food became to her...a love, hate relationship, she did very well. Flew down with M to Kochi for her funeral. It was emotional, draining and gutting. I tried not to look, though I was virtually forced to eventually. Her mom sat where her body was put for viewing for a long long time, and insisted to everyone to meet S and say goodbye. I did take a sideways look...as brief as I possibly could make it.
The body there vaguely resembled her. Was not her. And the body did not make any kind of sense to me. What will that look reveal?
Sadhguru's words, suddenly came to my mind and kept ringing in my ears; "I am not the Body, I am not the mind".
And as I stood there crying...drained...upset I knew that Sadhguru was 100% correct. What remains with me of S or with anyone is not her body. Nor her millions of spoken words or opinions, as they are but a heap of impressions.
What remains is memory. Feelings that then embed in one's consciousness and come to the mind when you see, hear or smell something. Mind and Body then just become mediums to portray this consciousness.
I have a stiff neck. tension..tightness. Time to go get a little spa massage done.
Have work to do, which I will finish tonight at home.
A shock to the mind and the system. No comparison with the grief that her own family suffered but it shocked all of her friends. I loved her, her spirit, her personality. She had her demons..we all do. But still when we met, what more often came through was this fun, charming, super intelligent personality.
A deep girl, with many layers. Ambitious, full of plans and desires, and a planner. And such an amazing Joie di vivre. She loved food, it was also the beast she fought the most. She was like many of us, an emotional eater.
She was a charming, engaging conversationalist.
Food she used to quell those feelings. And food she used to quell food feelings and the hunger it fueled that could never be satisfied. Like any drug that we use to feel good, it becomes a monster and demands we be it's slave.
And yet..inspite of what food became to her...a love, hate relationship, she did very well. Flew down with M to Kochi for her funeral. It was emotional, draining and gutting. I tried not to look, though I was virtually forced to eventually. Her mom sat where her body was put for viewing for a long long time, and insisted to everyone to meet S and say goodbye. I did take a sideways look...as brief as I possibly could make it.
The body there vaguely resembled her. Was not her. And the body did not make any kind of sense to me. What will that look reveal?
Sadhguru's words, suddenly came to my mind and kept ringing in my ears; "I am not the Body, I am not the mind".
And as I stood there crying...drained...upset I knew that Sadhguru was 100% correct. What remains with me of S or with anyone is not her body. Nor her millions of spoken words or opinions, as they are but a heap of impressions.
What remains is memory. Feelings that then embed in one's consciousness and come to the mind when you see, hear or smell something. Mind and Body then just become mediums to portray this consciousness.
I have a stiff neck. tension..tightness. Time to go get a little spa massage done.
Have work to do, which I will finish tonight at home.
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